What Time Is It?

I wonder -- why does the mind always seek to compare the present and the past/future? A true question. When I live here and now, I feel love and contentment and peace. When I do not take life as it is and live in la-la land, love turns to suffering and contentment flies away. I wonder why the mind does this? My twice-a-day meditations are perhaps helping to calm this mental tick. In all of life, in every moment, there is no problem. In yourself, in the world, between yourself and others -- there is no problem. But how hard it is to relax the mind and let it know this! True freedom is letting go. I admit that in my life, lately I have not been myself. Controlling motivated by fear and insecurity have permeated my actions of late. Communication is good, but control is not. Overdemanding, overbearing, and over doing it I have been -- out of character. This has driven her away...all I know is day by day I am changing, day by day I am returning, I can feel it as I return to music more, returning to myself -- all I know is I want her to be with me and to come back, day by day I am more myself, and it will all be okay. I am not running from myself anymore. I am not begging anymore. I stand amidst the roar and listen. I will not let it control me. I am on my own hero's journey.

As the Buddha said, "No one can save us but ourselves. No one can and no one may." He also said, "Live in joy, in love, even among those who hate." He speaks of the mind. I am around those who love, but if resentment, apathy, or hateful thoughts come to me, I no longer let them move me. I am more still, day by day. There is no reason to look beyond my eyes for security, it is within myself. In this way, each day I try and learn to let go more, to return to myself. Letting go allows for love and peace -- if we grasp too tightly, we may just lose what we are holding on to!